Consent is FUCKING REQUIRED.
If you’re like us, you joined the lifestyle at least in part because you enjoy being flirty, being flirted with, and enjoy having sexual encounters with others. It doesn’t, however, mean you want to play or be touched by everyone. And that’s ok. It’s 100% acceptable to have your likes and dislikes. To be ok with something one day, and not the next.
It’s this reason Consent is uber important and in our opinion, something the swinging community needs to do a better job at. Other alternative communities within the lifestyle such as BDSM and Kink do far better at maintaining consent at the forefront of all interactions. It seems obvious if you plan to use a flogger on someone, tie them up, or use electro, that you would want to be clear upfront about what will take place and negotiate any boundaries that should be in place. Why should it be any different during even the most basic scenarios? The answer is it shouldn’t.
It’s terrible, but I’ve heard of too many times where unwelcome touching, kissing, or other things have happened. Recently I even heard about an encounter firsthand where a medicated gummy was given to someone after the person had said no to particular acts. Just to have it taken further once the person was impaired and unable to give consent. This is unconscionable and should never be tolerated. It certainly isn’t within our own Pineapple Play Date online communities or events.
If you’re going to swing, you better get comfortable saying “would you like to play?” You should also practice saying things like “It is ok to touch you on your (insert body part)?” or “Can I kiss you?” All of this is required when interacting with others in a sexual manner. It’s also important so you foster a comfortable environment where all parties are on the same page. Will the answer sometimes be, no? Sure. But isn’t it better to hear that early and when all involved can still be friends?
Also, when playing with couples it’s important that you get the consent of both partners. They’re a unit and failing to consider the needs and feelings of both partners is destined to get you blacklisted. As a husband in the lifestyle, I can say, not being respectful & friendly with me will guarantee you’ll never get to play with my wife. Further, my wife would never grant her consent the same as I wouldn’t if a woman were to treat my wife without respect.
In a world where alcohol is common, consent is more important than ever. Consent should be gained early, often, and only when a person is capable of clear and sound mind. It should also be verified along the way. If there’s ever the slightest doubt that someone is impaired, it’s best to err on the safe side and decline to play even if consent is verbalized.
This isn’t meant to scare you into never playing. It is meant to make sure you think about consent at every juncture. It’s meant to keep people safe and you out of jail, or worse hurt.
Following are some best practices from the Pineapple Play Date Event Consent Policy. Breaking any of these rules may result in immediate expulsion from our groups and/or events.
- Never touch people or their personal property without first asking for permission.
- All parties are responsible for making sure everyone involved is of sound mental and emotional mind and able to give informed and voluntary consent for all activities to take place.
- If someone is obviously intoxicated, they are deemed unable to give consent.
- Understand that consent given in the heat of the moment may change in the middle of the action. Care should be taken to regain consent when parties are in subspace or when their state of mind has changed.
- Consent can be withdrawn at any time, by anyone. We recommend the use of a “safe” word which signals a full stop immediately.
- Prior to play ensure consent if given for the entire scope of the planned activities. This should include if there will be any contact with areas such as the breasts, butts, and genitals.
- Everyone is to be treated equally. Do not use verbal role-play without permission. Calling someone by names such as “Mistress” or “slave” or derogatory words such as, but not limited to, “slut”, “whore”, or “bitch” should never be used without gaining consent to do so.
- Do not Kink Shame anyone. Just because you’re not into it, doesn’t mean it’s not ok between people who have given consent.
- During BDSM play, the top is legally responsible for stopping the moment the bottom withdraws consent. When possible, it is ethically responsible for the bottom to be clear and concise when withdrawing consent.