So, you’ve dipped your toes into the lifestyle. You’re at a club or party and you decide it’s time to shoot your shot. You muster everything inside, push down the nerves, and walk up to a couple to say hello. All seems to be going well so eventually you ask them if they’d like to play…. Only to hear “No thank you.”
If you’re like many, that can sting a ton. After all, it took everything you had to go for it just to be rejected. What you can’t do is let that stop you from progressing. The truth is, we all get rejected by someone and its not as terrible as it seems.
Rejection is just part of the game. And if you ask me, required if you’re doing it to your highest potential. If all you ever do it get yes’s I’d argue that you’re never shooting high enough. You’re quite literally leaving awesome options on the table out of fear that rejection sucks. The safe route isn't always the most fulfilling.
What to do when rejected? How each person processes rejection and moves past it is different. You may need to take a step back to access, or you may just get so comfortable with it that you think “Great, Next!” Rejection is nothing if we don’t assign it meaning. This is where the ability to frame it into a perspective that works for you is important. You get to choose, and that’s powerful.
Remember, it’s not all about you. There could be a zillion reasons why that couple isn’t interested in playing with you. It could be you aren’t they’re type… or it could be just that they had a really bad day and left the house only to not have to think about whatever is happening at home. I happen to love curvy women, my best friend doesn’t. It’s nothing more than taste and our interest is certainly not a reflection on any one woman or her self-worth. We simply like what we like. Some women like my beard, others hate it… and that’s totally ok.
Understand each rejection is a move in the right direction. If playing is your endgame, do you really want to waste your time with people where that isn’t an option? Get that no out of the way early and often. It’ll help you fine-tune toward what you’re looking for.
If you’re like me, you want to spend your time around other authentic people. For that to happen, the last thing I’d want is for people to not be true to themselves. Which means I’m quite literally asking to be rejected if I’m not someone’s cup of tea. As Dita Von Tease once said, “You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.” Get comfortable with that and I promise, rejection will get a whole lot easier to handle.
-Chris
