I often get asked by my close Vanilla friends what the lifestyle is all about. I could go with what would seem to be the obvious answer in many people’s minds; sex, hooking up, wife/husband swapping, etc. But to me, first and foremost, it is about respect.
Unfortunately, in today’s general society, respect is a lost art on many, and in the lifestyle, it has more recently fallen farther from the purer faith. So, while respect should be paramount in the swinger community, the first, MOST important area is the respect given to the women who are gracious enough to give the gentleman their attention. Whether she is single or part of a couple, the lady should be approached with the utmost respect and not immediately be treated like a mere sex object or “piece of meat”. If she wants to be treated that way, she will let you know, and respect may just get you there.
Women run the show in the lifestyle and are deserving of respect from the outset. Show it and enjoy the ride!
The second most important part of the respect arena is acknowledging all parties in a couple/marriage/throuple, etc. once you are aware of their dynamic. I use myself as an example here; if I’m at a club/house party/event and meet a female who is part of a couple, I ALWAYS ask to approach and meet her significant other. I want to make sure that I make my presence known to him and afford him that respect of acknowledging that he is her significant other. He is the defining factor on any play that might ensue should she be interested.
If discussion of their rules comes up, which it definitely should in my opinion, those rules should also be respected just as much as anything else. Disregard those rules and you can find yourself on their Do Not Fuck(DNF) list, or possibly blacklisted in the LS quickly if it’s egregious enough.
Lastly, never try to end run around the significant other or ignore him/her. One of the most heard comments is “you don’t need to talk to him/her, I do what I want.” Right…. just like when handling a gun, you should ALWAYS treat it as if it were loaded. If they are part of a couple, DO NOT ignore or bypass the other party. There has been many a debate about this particular situation that will surely be addressed, but the results of doing so can have consequences that could end up someone getting physically hurt. Avoiding rejection is not worth that trouble.
These are just a few base points regarding respect in the lifestyle/swinger community. There are many other things that respect also ties into, but it really comes down to showing respect and being sincere about it in all cases. It opens more doors in this lifestyle than you can imagine!
Keep calm and swing on!!
- O’Shea
