This may be one of the most important and talked about aspects in the lifestyle. Likely because too many, too few or disregarding rules can make or break a couple’s experience and possibly their relationship.
In the past ten years, we’ve heard everything from, “We don’t have any rules, we just wing it” to “soft swap/same room/no kissing/couples only”. We don’t fall in either of those categories and while those may work for some, it won’t for many. Too few rules (or conversations about boundaries) can lead to disappointment, frustration or worse. While too many rules may make it very difficult to find another couple/single that fits within your dynamic.
With that said, however, you need to do what works for you and your relationship. The lifestyle should enhance your relationship, not add contention. It is sometimes difficult to find others that fit your dynamic but isn't impossible. And I can almost guarantee your rules will change a bit as you explore the lifestyle; you will likely remove some and add others with time and experience.
It is definitely a good idea to discuss your rules prior with potential play partners and many will ask what your dynamic is well in advance to ensure a good fit.
In full transparency, here are our rules:
- Open, honest communication with all parties at all times, especially one another
- Use protection ALWAYS
- Play under same roof/nearby and only after communicating with the other