One of the most common concerns many have about participating in the lifestyle is about fitting in and wondering if others will find them attractive. 

Am I too old?  Too young?  Too fat? Too short?  The answer is a resounding NO! 

Are all the people in the lifestyle sexy, young, Barbie and Ken?  Sexy?  Yes.  Barbie and Ken, definitely not.  And thank goodness for that (Ken doesn’t even have a penis!). Are you a bigger girl/guy, wondering if people will find you attractive?  Abso-fucking-lutely they will! Like myself, many others even prefer men and women with some curves.  The range of ages and body types in the lifestyle is quite broad.  As are the preferences of those that participate in the lifestyle.  I have met people in the lifestyle ranging from early 20’s to late 70’s and a variety of sizes and shapes. 

So, what is the ideal body for the lifestyle?  It has taken me years to realize that there isn’t an ideal; it simply is not the same for everyone.  I have even found myself attracted to men and women in the lifestyle that I wouldn’t consider my normal “type” and vice versa.  One of the amazing things about swinging is having variety, right? Individuality sparks intrigue.  Believe it or not, people in the lifestyle have different preferences, desires, and fantasies and what you may be insecure about may actually be extremely attractive to someone else!

But for many, body insecurities can be a huge barrier to truly enjoying the lifestyle.  Exploring sexual freedom is a benefit of swinging and body insecurity can definitely limit your enjoyment.  However, when you realize how sexy you truly are, regardless of size, it can be the ultimate confidence booster and open a door to the most amazing sex you’ve experienced.

Feeling undesirable or deficient in some way is unfortunately far too common these days.  And those feelings can significantly cause overwhelming anxiety and self-doubt, affecting our sexual performance.  As I have, I’m sure many of you compare yourselves to others.  And as I mentioned before, variety is one of the best parts of swinging!  It would be far less fun if we all looked alike.  And think of those you meet as companions, not competition.

There is no easy fix to overcoming body insecurities.  It is unique to every single one of us.  But start small - concentrate on what you feel are your best traits.  Do you have great hair, a beautiful smile, sexy legs?  Play on those traits… wear that red lipstick, that short skirt… love what you have, who you are.  I promise, it will help minimize the things you are unsure about. 

Sure, I could tell you to stop overthinking things and live in the moment and while I think that is great advice, it is not easy to do.  At least it wasn’t for me.  Be comfortable and slowly push yourself outside of your comfort zone a bit at a time.  Did I wear a tight, low cut, fitted dress to my first house party or club?  Hell, no!  Am I comfortable wearing one now? Absolutely!  Do I love every part of my body today?  No, but I do my best to avoid letting it hold me back from being my best self and having a fantastic time regardless.  Do I still wonder if people notice how thick my thighs are or how unflattering my batwings may be?  I do… but I am also told I am a sexy, beautiful woman pretty often (and not just by my husband – Love you, baby).  And I have finally started to believe it.  Sure, I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.  But neither is the 25 year old playboy model.  And that doesn’t make either of us any less sexual or beautiful.

One of my favorite things about the lifestyle is helping others to explore themselves and become comfortable.  There is rarely a night at the club that I don’t take another woman to the bathroom for a wardrobe change.  I absolutely love seeing a woman change out of those jeans into a sexy dress and the looks she receives from her partner and others upon her reveal.  Making women feel sexy is a huge bonus for me.   

One of the best parts of the lifestyle are the friendly, welcoming people.  To be honest, if it weren’t for the lifestyle, I definitely wouldn’t feel as comfortable with my own body.  Be patient with yourself.  Each time I receive a sincere compliment, my self-confidence is boosted.   In my experience, my body insecurities stemmed from my “idea” of what was beautiful and sexy and rarely from outside sources.  I’ve never had someone actually tell me they didn’t want to have sex with me after seeing me naked.  Most of it was in my own head.  There are actually lots of people that want to have sex with me despite my jiggly parts.  My nickname is Insnacktor Gadget, after all. 

I had a bit of an epiphany one night at a club.  I saw a woman smiling, laughing, flirting, having fun.  I noticed her several times throughout the night having the time of her life and a bit later saw her playing with a partner.  In that moment, I thought, “hey, she looks a lot like me...”  It’s interesting that I hadn’t even noticed her shape or size earlier in the evening.  I simply noticed an attractive, fun, sexy woman.  The major difference between she and I… confidence. 

Confidence is sexy!  And it will come in time.  Be patient.

-Shannon