Recently I had some conversations with several ladies within the lifestyle about communication. During those conversations something continually came up which is important to discuss further. Social Media can be a wild place, and with it comes its own idiosyncrasies.

I often hear the following from men or women; “your inbox must be full” or “you probably have a wait list.” When talking other ladies, I found they also hear this a lot - from strangers, their dates or even play partners. Well guess what, most of us do not have a full inbox or a wait list and the ones in the inbox are many times the un-classy ones.

As women, we get many likes or comments on our pictures, but that results in far less reaching out in messenger than you probably expect. Men tell us it’s because we are intimidating, or they don’t want to be the creepy guy sending messages. Well, how else are we going to get to know each other? For years I have played the cat and mouse game with the same gentlemen and yet still today they have not had a conversation with me in person or by messenger.

So, how should men move things along in a respectful way?

Why not just start with a short message such as “hi, how are you?” Messages like that are not creepy or unwanted. Engage in conversation. Sure, the lifestyle is about sex… but you need to show you care enough to show respect to the other person. Without that you’re unlikely to be successful.

It’s the unsolicited dick pic, or “hey, you want to play?” before we’ve even said hello that are creepy and unwanted. Never do that or you’ll find yourself on the Do Not Fuck list.

I’ve often told my own husband that he needs to say hi to let a lady know he’s interested but if she doesn’t reply or engage then it’s best to just move on. You never know unless you try. This applies to both woman and men, we all need to put ourselves out there. After all, you won’t get what you don’t ask for.

“You’re so intimidating”

Have you heard this and had it irritate you? It’s something that many of us in the lifestyle hear often and many times it can be taken two ways. As an insult or as a compliment. While I understand many are likely using it as a compliment… that’s not the way it comes off most of the time. The word intimidate is to make another person afraid or frightened which is not what I or other confident women in the lifestyle intend.

Instead, I’m confident and carry myself in such a way that shows it. I’m not trying to intimidate; I am just a woman wanting to make friends. Now, that is not to say some women don’t want to be feared, in that scenario, so this would be a compliment to them.

We could be just friends, or we could be play partners, but without conversation nothing will happen. Get up, get some confidence, and make your move. Shoot your shot or do whatever you have been waiting to do but do it respectfully. Respect being the key to all things.

-Shea