People jump into the lifestyle for various reasons. It’s an adventure of its own that can be tons of fun, while strengthening your relationship. However, bringing others into your sexual sphere isn’t without challenges. The biggest being how to deal with jealousy. It’s one of our strongest emotions. Care should be taken to recognize it’s real and that all of us experience it.

Society tells us that all relationships must contain fierce jealousy, or the partners clearly aren’t committed enough. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Here are some tips to deal with it while swinging:

• Everyone gets jealous and that’s not bad. Sure, different people experience it to different levels, but we all experience it to some degree. Ever feel a tinge when you see your partner kiss someone else or is sharing a connection with someone that isn’t you… that’s jealousy. And its good. Its proof that you care. What’s most important is how you channel those feelings. Many times, all it takes is recognizing it, and then releasing it.
• Jealousy can sometimes be a sign of bigger issues. When you feel it, you’ll want to immediately try to understand why you feel it. It may be that it’s due to other issues seated much deeper such as insecurities, possessiveness, or shame. Understanding where it is coming from is key to maintaining healthy relationships.
• Does it turn you on to watch your partner in action? This is called Compersion. It’s the feeling of being turned on or excited for your partner when they have a great experience with someone other than you. Most of us have been conditioned by society not to feel this automatically, but it’s real. In this case it’s about understanding that your partner has his/her own separate needs, desires, and sexual experiences. About allowing them to be their whole self and able to experience things you may not be into.
• Being comfortable with jealousy takes time. You shouldn’t expect to suddenly be good at dealing with it and even if you’ve felt compersion prior, that doesn’t mean you’ll never have feeling of jealousy again. It’s complex and the more confident in your relationship you are, the more likely it is that you’ll feel less jealousy. Remember, whatever you are feeling in each moment is real. It doesn’t, however, give you the right to lash out at others because of it.
• Communication is your best defense to jealousy. Without the utmost communication, swinger relationships won’t work. It’s the base that all other actions stem from. This is in part because without transparency these relationships are destined to fail. If you start to feel jealous you should communicate it to your spouse immediately. Otherwise, you are risking that it will fester into larger emotions of resentment and anger.

Remember, you and your partner got into the lifestyle for a reason. That person is your home, your safehaven. They are the person you should trust with your deepest emotions. Swinging isn’t standard within our society so it’s no surprise that it’s not easy. Especially when you begin. It, quite literally, requires a retraining of your brain to operate successfully. By understanding that jealousy is real, never ignoring it, and instead communicating regularly with your partner you’ll be worlds ahead of most other couples.  

-Chris