So, you've met this wonderful couple and all parties are totally into each other. The foreplay is getting you all worked up, so when the suggestion is made that you all move the action to the bedroom, you're already playing out the amazing experience you're about to have!
The clothes come off, the lights go down, and everyone is ready to get it on, except..... old Reliable is suddenly having an issue getting into the game.
Let's be totally honest. This has happened to most men in the lifestyle at one point or another. And if you've been lucky enough to avoid it, congratulations, but read this anyway, because as the old investment disclaimers go, "past performance is not indicative of future results", and if this ever hits you, this article will hopefully be helpful.
First, it's important to understand a bit of science so we know what’s happening when things stop working. I'll let the Cleveland Clinic explain that part:
"When the blood vessels of the corpora cavernosa relax and open up, blood rushes in through the cavernosus arteries to fill them. The blood then gets trapped under high pressure, creating an erection."
There are two reasons for erectile dysfunction (ED): Physiological and psychological.
Physiological ED is caused by some defect in the function of the erectile mechanism. There are a lot of moving parts to an erection, and any one of these can cause varying degrees of ED. If you are unable to get or maintain an erection in any scenario, be it with masturbation, sexual stimulation with your significant other with whom you are familiar and comfortable with, or induced by a doctor, this is a physical issue that needs to be, and almost universally can, be solved by medical intervention.
Psychological ED is what gets pretty much all of us here in the swinging environment. Call it the "yips", performance anxiety, overstimulation, whatever you name it, it all comes down to a malfunction between the head on your shoulders and the one on your hips. Your ability to navigate this issue can be difficult if you're not honest with yourself.
First thing you need to avoid is "going down the rabbit hole". This can also be called "getting into your own head". Your reliable dick suddenly fails to start, and now you're thinking, "oh my God, I can't trust this thing anymore, it might fail at any time, this is embarrassing, wtf, work damn you!" This thought process is guaranteed to be a self-fulfilling prophecy.
To break this cycle, you need to remember, and TRUST, that your dick DOES work. You CAN get an erection because you have no trouble doing so at home with your significant other or yourself. Hell, you wake up in the morning to the thing tapping you on the belly! It works. You KNOW this, so trust that and burn that into your brain.
Second is having play partners that can recognize the issue and exhibit understanding and patience. Having play partners who are willing to slow the action down, concentrate on the one having the issue, and be flexible about dealing with it is KEY to working through the issue and getting into the game. For every man this is different. Some just need their own partner back for a few moments. Sometimes it might be just backing up and going to soft play, or even just stopping for a little bit and trying again a little later.
You might not know exactly what is tripping you up, so changing things up can help you get away from the distraction you're having long enough to get your confidence back. For those play partners encountering a man having this issue, don't give up on him!
The key is to not make the issue the issue. If you can take the pressure off the need to have an erection at that very moment, many times this will bring it back. Things might not happen according to plan, but if that plan is flexible, you will get back in the game.