In my previous article I touched on the basics of respect in the lifestyle & swinging. The fundamentals, if you will. I will add that despite being in this crazy fun world for the last 12 years, I am still learning. WE are still learning and evolving. Like our respective “packages” everyone is different, so I’m going to dive into some finer points that should be textbook, but, like warning labels, these need to be mentioned for a reason.
First on the list is sending unsolicited pictures. The biggest group of offenders is men. Many of us are proud of what we are packing, and we should be… within reason. But let’s face it, the male genitalia isn’t the best looking thing in the world, and can be especially unpleasant to someone who did not ask for a picture of it. Now I’m not saying that the lovely ladies out there are completely innocent, although my wonderful wife would like to convince everyone otherwise, but we do hear far less about women sending unrequested pictures of their hoo-ha to someone. And honestly most men really aren’t going to complain if we get one.
Sending risqué pictures without permission or someone asking is very disrespectful. Regardless of what level of conversation you may be at with the recipient, always ask if they would like a pic prior to sending. Not doing so can blow a good shot at being play partners with that person or couple and could get you tagged as being a bit creepy. Don’t end up on a registry!
Next on the list is “dirty talk”. I’m not speaking of consensual and welcomed naughty utterings. Obviously talk of a sexual and risqué nature are going to become prevalent between those that agree to it. I’m talking about the unsolicited or “too soon” type. I have been told by a plethora of people that one of the biggest turn offs and show of disrespect is someone automatically jumping into the dirty talk less than 30 seconds after meeting or using that talk in an over assuming manner. This goes as follows: “Hey, nice to meet you. When are we going to fuck?” “You know we are in the lifestyle for a reason. If you’re not going to play you shouldn’t be here.” “I bet I can do things to you your husband/wife/significant other can’t or won’t.” These are just a few examples of the nonsense that some think is acceptable and there are a lot more where these came from.
Trying to get straight into someone’s pants prior to getting to know them is very disrespectful for several reasons, the biggest being that you are showing them that you have no respect for them as a person and see them as nothing more than a sexual playtoy.
Lastly, I would like to touch on something that will be in my “Club dos and don’ts”, but it is also a respect thing. Asking someone to be your door date does NOT carry an offer of sex unless specifically discussed. This has been a subject of disrespect I have heard too much. If someone asks if you need a door date or would like to be theirs, do not assume there is going to be play. It’s not automatic. There should never be any animosity or anger because non-discussed play does not happen, or if the door date plays with another person. Whatever happens, be respectful. That person who was gracious enough to door-date might just want to play with you next time!
Everything in this lifestyle should begin with respect. Without it, you will most likely be the lonely person in the corner sipping on your drink or stuck at home because your lack of it has found you missing on invite lists. Respect makes the world go ‘round yall! Especially in our world! Be that person!
Keep calm and swing on!
-O’Shea
